How to Ruin Your Blog in 7 Steps?
Sure, you’ve worked hard on your company or personal blog, but sometimes you just feel the need to destroy something beautiful.
If you’re looking to really ruin your blog, these seven simple steps will allow you to do it in a matter of moments.
1: Choose a Hideous Template
It’s time that you switch to a hideous template, like one that features light text on a dark background, excessively bright and distracting colors, and poorly designed layouts.
For example, try the nauseatingly pink Valentino template or some painful Retro template (which reminds us why the past should remain there). It may be tempting to just download something pretty like Business Turnkey, but avoid this if you want to successfully ravage your blogging space.
2: Stop Posting Regularly
If you’re posting once a week, slow down! If you’re posting once a day, it’s time you stop altogether. All that fresh content is sure to bring new visitors, return readers, and search engine robots to your doorstep – the opposite of ruin in the blogosphere.
3: Provide No Contact Information
Allowing users to contact you and develop a relationship may keep them around through other blogging blunders, so be certain to remove any method of contact.
Be especially certain that you get rid of any convenient forms.
4: Never Link to Other Resources
When you write content, be sure that you make it clear that you’re writing to benefit your company.
One of the best ways to do this is avoiding any links to outside sites and resources, even when they would be highly relevant and useful to the reader.
4: Put Ads Everywhere
If you really want to drive away your visitors, one of the fastest ways to do it is cramming your blog full of ads.
Try to find the least relevant ads, place them in the most prominent positions, and make them as distracting and offensive as possible. People will quickly realize what a sell-out you are and will leave your blog in droves.
6: Regurgitate Information
If you’re running any kind of informational blog, one of the best ways you can run it into the ground is to provide only regurgitated information – the sort of content that’s common knowledge by now.
Do you tell the news? Look back two or three weeks for data. Are you teaching people about a new type of software? Only provide paraphrased information and directions that can be found on the software’s main site.
7: Talk Like a Robot
People don’t read blogs so they can feel nostalgic toward college textbooks – mostly because no one has that nostalgia. With that in mind, try your best to replicate a dull, monotonous voice that’s completely devoid of all personality.
Making these changes should only take you a couple hours at most. By the end of the process, half your visitors will already be gone, and the rest will be abandoning ship shortly thereafter.